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I was told I have a liver cancer and lymphoma, on August 17th. The doctor told me there wouldn't be any ways to cure the disease. Now, I feel that I lost physical strength and endurance significantly. It's so hard to handle my job as much as I did before. When I was given this trial, people around me generally took it that something nobody can image had happened. Actually, those who were very close to me thought, "Why?", "He was full of energy..." On the contrary, I didn't took it as something shocking, nor unexpected. I was revealed that my faith was lukewarm, and I owned a lot of valuable things which are visible in this world. Also, I pursued a desire in this world more and more, and committed immorality again and again, judged others, and I was arrogant. They are described in the Holy Bible, Mark, 7:21-23
Galatians, 5:19-21
First of all, the cause of my salvation is that I wanted the God permit my sin of arrogance. Thus, I had an impression that "Oh! He leads me in such a way." I will tell it for a while. There was a herald before this problem. Four years ago, I was given a problem regarding on my family, my kid. Through this problem, I was asked if both parents had been praying seriously. It might have been a common problem, but I was so shocked that it was clearly revealed we, husband and wife had a very lukewarm faith. He helped our uncertain faith, as if we walked on the wall, and He made us pray for an accord between me and my wife. 1 John, 2:15
I found that my faith was really dismal, focusing on the world and anything in the world. The next trial was about my company. It might have become bankrupt, and I might have lost my property as guarantee, more over caused someone problems for their property offered as a guarantee. I spent days in fleshly agony, pain, and impatience. I tried to find out solutions by myself, get over the problem by myself, and had no idea to commit myself to the God. Matthew, 6:20-21
In my heart, I have been staring my money, my position, my achievement I have been developing. Then, I was a man who casts some doubt on the God as if Job did in his book. "Why does He make such problems on me? I have a faith, I attend every Sunday worship. If my company becomes bankrupt, more than hundred people, including a family of my employees, will be threaten their lives." This was actually Satan's favorite thinking. John, 7:17
At first, I should have wished to know His will, and prayed for carrying out it. Theoretically I knew it adequately, but during my own trials I couldn't accept it obediently. In addition, in this year, my friend, a managing director of my company who was reliable right hand passed away from a heart attack all of a sudden. As I had been leaving the job relating to an accounting and general affairs up to him, I was thrown into an unimaginable panic. More than that, facing an incident losing a close friend in this world, I was confused, and queried the God, "Why do You do these to me?" Psalms, 13:1
Psalms, 77:7-8
Like these, if we are given several kinds of trials, we can't stop asking, "WHY?&qout; Since men were tempted by the serpent in the Garden of Eden in Genesis, they have been fleeing from the punishment for their sins. The God poses all, thus He also has a right to take things away from us. But, what's real for each one of us is that we struggle suffering from mental agony in a gap of trials, and can't respond like Job and David. Some Christians fall into crisis of Spirit when they are at the height of their confusion during intolerable trials. Exactly, I was one of them. Literally, I didn't gaze up the God, and tried to solve the problems by myself..., as a result, I became unfaithful even I doubt His existence, and a hope turned into a disappointment. The biggest frustration was caused by a question, "I know the God is omniscient and almighty. He can help and cure me. But, WHY doesn't He do it for me NOW?" Satan whispers, "There's no God. You are left alone.", when a believer who has been serving Him by all his body, and spirit, thinks he was driven away by the God, though I am not such a man. The God gave me His final trial with His love, when I hang on Satan's words, and my faith was almost vanished away. It was my disease. The God reached His large arms of salvation to me, who couldn't stop leaving away from Him and walking closer to Satan, even though I was aware of it, 1 John, 5:16-20
I am not pessimistic now. I neither know how many days I can live longer, nor you do. For me, since I was told this disease, I feel each day is unimaginably wonderful everyday. I have never spent such wonderful and quality days in my fifty years life. I remember that everything I see and everything I hear was a new experience. As for the time left to spend with my family, I wouldn't have it if I kept working. I cordially thank God. I already have been talking for a long time... this is a story what the God talked to me. It is, the God gave me a lot of trials to shatter my arrogance completely and make myself vain. Of course, the purpose was to change me to love only the God, sincerely hope to go near Him, pray cordially, and spend my life relying on Him, humble myself before Him. I didn't lose anything by this disease. Someone may say, "He's talking tough again."... Looking at grandchildren's faces, attending children's wedding ceremony, ... these have nothing to do with the true happiness. I found I have been hanging on insignificant things in this world. In spite of losing these, I was given greater things. Now I am sure I'm walking with the God, and I can go to the Heaven in shortly. There's one thing I really regret that I couldn't finish it. It is that I could lead to only few people to Him. I could preach the Gospel to only few people. Now I think I had a lot of time to do these. I regret that I spent it without telling the love of the God to my family, to my friend, to staff of my company. At the end of my life in this world, the God let me go to the Gospel Center at Miyota with my relatives and family. In exchange for my life, I could only lead my family to the entrance of His salvation. Taking these into account, I think I could do nothing, I repented so little, during these ten years after I was saved. Matthew, 10:37-39
Anyone who does not take his cross is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it. I read these words many times, now I finally understood the meaning of these words. At the end of my message, let me read some of His words from Revelation. Revelation, 3:2-3
Revelation, 22:17
Revelation, 3:21
Many people don't think this world is hell, while they are alive. I wonder if there are any Christian who can clearly declare that this world is hell. But, some brothers and sisters may say that if they are beside His throne they are in heaven. I thought heaven is good, but this world is not so bad. My faith was lukewarm. I regret my lukewarm faith lead to a situation that a lot of people were left in the hell of this world. I pray I can walk with Him for some months left for me, if it's His will. I thank a lot of brothers and sisters in Japan, Germany, United States for their prays. I believe I will be able to live with Jesus and you in the Heaven. Thank you for listening to my message. |